The 10 Break-Up Stages

The question buzzing around my head tonight is “is it healthy how long it is taking me to get over my last relationship?”. It has been almost 11 months and it still kicks me in the ass every time that I think about it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my life,  I am happy, I have the best of friends and I wouldn’t change what I have for the world. But what I don’t have? I’m not sure where I stand with that.

What I do know are the disastrous stages that I have been through:

1. The bed-bound stage:
I stayed in my bed for five. whole. days. I hardly ate, I hardly slept, and when I did sleep I woke up crying. It was a soggy and very, very smelly few days. And yet I wondered why I was single. HA. 

2. The selfish & stroppy stage:
You're in a relationship? Oh,how frigging great for you. It will destroy you, You will be DESTROYED. RELATIONSHIPS ARE SENT FROM HELL. WHY ARE YOU EVEN LOOKING AT ME, DON'T LOOK AT ME, I AM SINGLE,  I HAVE BEEN DESTROYED. I HATE YOU AND YOUR STUPID RELATIONSHIP. I HATE YOU. You're still in love? After WHAT I HAVE JUST BEEN THROUGH? Well f**k you,I'm going to eat carbs.

3. The clingy friend stage:
Don't leave me. I love you. You are all my best friends. You're going to bed? Can I come? I like your company, can we spoon? How about a movie? Can we go out? The cinema? A meal? Anything?! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE.

4. The angry stage:

5. The whining stage:
Okay, I lied. I love you. Are we still broken up?

6. The eat everything in sight stage:
Who even cares if I get fat anymore? Well, I don't care. I have nobody to impress so what's the point? Pass me the food. No, not just a slice, I want it all. And the rest. What's for dessert?

7. The 'get hot' stage:

I'll get hot, that's what I'll do. I'll start exercising, and eating healthy, and taking care of my skin,and one day, I shall be super hot, and there'll be a 1 in 10000 chance of seeing you,but if I do, I'LL BE HOT!!!!!

8. The 'If somebody likes me I'll get my confidence back' stage:
Flirt, flirt, flirt, flirt, flirt.

9. The acceptance stage:
It's over. I'm single. I'm alive.

Spiralling through the emotions is slowly but steadily getting me there, but I wish there was an emotional fast forward button, and I wish more than anything I could find a spark within me again to find and to enjoy the company of somebody new.

Right now though? I’m still a little lost. But the worst has passed and it can only get better from here. Let's just say that this is the 10. 'I'm okay' stage.

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