2014: Love, Life & Laura.

Sunday, 28 December 2014





Love

I vouched right at the beginning of the year that this year belonged to me. I would be selfish about everything that I wanted and that I did, and I would 100%, undoubtedly, no excuses, stay single. And I'm very proud to say that I succeeded.
I've always been the one out of my friends that was in and out of relationships like it was going out of fashion - I never planned it that way, I was just very much that way inclined, to begin to 'like' somebody and then continue with them in my life in a romantic way. After my last relationship ended towards the end of 2013, it hit me like nothing has before, and I wasn't prepared to allow myself to begin anything else with another person until I felt that I had healed, and until I felt that I could allow myself, and a tiny bit of my heart, to let somebody else in. I completely stopped seeing my ex at the very beginning of 2014 and latterly became a teeny bit psycho when a new relationship on their end was established. Hands up, I admit it.
In later months, I went on a few dates, I had a giggle with some lovely people, I began to like a couple of people, but ultimately, I wasn't ready for anything more. I pushed people away, and as much as I wish I didn't do it on such a level where I suddenly shut off from the person, I have to remind myself that I gave myself the right to be selfish. So what I went on dates with these people? I mattered most, and if I didn't want to give anymore of myself to those people, then they damn sure weren't getting it.


Life

I tried to go to new places in 2014. I knew they wouldn't be far as I didn't have the money for anything extravagant, but I managed to visit Edinburgh, Ibiza, Reading, Milford Haven and Blackpool, all of which I had never visited before, and also managed to revisit Cornwall, Oxford, London and Liverpool! I'd have loved to have visited more places, but I can very happily say that my summer was still filled with good times and trips out, including Alton Towers and Chester Zoo! (My favourite)
I've seen The 1975, my wife Katy Perry twice, Kate Bush, Dave McPherson, Banks & Foxes live, as well as the tons of artists I see at work. That swiftly and easily brings me onto how much I have grown at work and how much I adore my workmates. I can't bear to think about leaving next year.
I passed my second year at university with a grade I was disappointed with (Little Miss want 100% or nothing over here!), but hell, I passed! And it has lead me onto my third year at  university which, honestly, is a ball ache. But I'm storming through it,waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel.
This year I have established the most beautiful, funny, amazing friendship group that I could have ever wished for. From hardly knowing each other on a couple of nights out, to next spending six nights and seven days glued together, we all just seemed to fit, and we have been each others' puzzle pieces ever since.
Living with (all but one of) these girls has been the best experience, and I'm so excited for 5/6 more months by their sides. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't laugh when they are around, usually because one of us has done something ridiculously dumb, and I am thankful every single day for that. We have laughed together, cried together, gotten angry at each other, shouted abuse, gotten over excited, and watched an unreal amount of Catfish together; and although our puzzle is sometimes thrown into the box (whether it's for a minute or an entire week) we are always placed back together again. I am so lucky to have them, for them to stick by me when I'm super annoying (and for them to tell me so!), for them to act like a child with me (N, I'm looking at you, fellow T-Rex!), for them to join in (and deal) with my constant singing, and to tell me off when I'm determined I'm going to buy yet another pair of slippers. I know you'll be reading this guys, so, I love you, and thank you for being you.


Laura

As for me? Myself and I are stronger than ever. I can quite happily sit here right now and tell you that I am more headstrong than ever. I know where people stand in my life, I know when to stand my ground, and I know that I am not willing to allow somebody into my life that treats me as if I am disposable. I refuse to be treated any less than the person I am, and that means that people are going to have to work hard to win me, my trust and my heart, because throwing it out like confetti isn't going to happen anymore. It has taken me so long to get to this mind set of realising that people let you down and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, that now I am in it, it feels such a relief. I don't expect anything anymore, so when it happens it's a pleasant surprise, and when it doesn't happen, well that's that, I wasn't expecting it anyway! I know that I am completely closed off towards any form of relationship, small or otherwise, but I'm okay with that, because I am building and building upon my own self and my own self-worth, that by the time I can finally say that 'I'm ready', I'm going to be able to give 100%, and it's going to be to somebody that gives nothing less than their 100% too. But right now, I am concentrating on getting my degree, making sure I laugh every day, and embracing moments that are easy to just let pass by.


So, 2014. Thank you for building up my strength, courage, friendships and my heart. Because I've got a feeling 2015 is going to be a roller coaster.

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