2016: Love, Life & Laura.

Tuesday, 3 January 2017




Every year I write this post out in categories, summarising each aspect of my life in three tight boxes.


If I even began to attempt to fit this year into boxes, they'd be bursting out at the seams like an overpacked suitcase. I'd be sitting on the words attempting to zip them up into a case in which they would refuse to fit, meaning I'd have to remove some, condense the thoughts that hold equal importance to the ones that are able to fit in the box, and only touching the edges of what has been an overwhelming year.

So, for this year, I'm throwing the boxes out because I've had enough of damn packing.*

My family broke this year. Going through my parents separating at 24 years old was hard. Not because of the typical 'my Mum and Dad aren't together anymore' reasons, but because I understood everything. I understood the words being said, the tension sitting in the air, being inhaled like oxygen, building up in their lungs, ready to be fully exhaled in the next inevitable argument. I understood what was going on every step of the way. I was the shell of the person I wanted to be because entering my house was as if I was entering a cave of dementors. There was no joy. I was the ears, I was not a voice.

Along with this, came the imminent house move. A house that withheld a new (much bigger) bedroom for me, one that I spent hours in painting to the point of not being able to feel my hands any longer due to the freezing temperatures. A house that held a new start. A house that soon enough would slip straight back out of my hands because minds were changed. A house that took my flicker of hope with it. Yes, another house came my way, one that I decorated the same way, one that I spent an entire month's wages on to buy new furniture, make it as homely as I could despite not being able to remove wardrobes which divided the room, making it a little mismatch. But my fingers have separated again, and another has slipped through. I'm moving. Again. *I'm sick of packing.

But along with the bad, comes the silver linings. The strengthened relationship with my siblings, the knowledge of which friends will ask me if I'm ok, just because. The support from my family that understand that I just don't want to talk about it, and the friends that I didn't realise prior deserved that title. The few people that keep my mind occupied for hours on end, and the individuals that may as well have worn capes when appearing by my side.

I've improved on my being, attempting to be a much kinder, understanding and helpful person. I've become much less judgmental and have kept my opinions broadened and my mind open. I've been honest and opinionated, and I've learnt that the people worth keeping around will accept an opinion and allow it to just be that, with no opposition.

I've achieved what I thought was impossible and I passed my driving test, and I was incredibly lucky to be able to afford to buy a car, unexpectedly a bright yellow one, and I had a helpful hand the entire process which I couldn't be more grateful for.

I've developed friendships. Friendships with people that I've known for years and that I've only recently met. - and I've fallen more in love with the people who already held my heart. One of those pieces has divided in two, one of my best friends gave birth to a little boy. A little boy that holds as much sass as his mother and has a smile to make even the most stubborn of strangers grin right back. Another piece has moved away, but, with absolutely no obligement nor indisposition, has kept our unexpected, albeit disparate, friendship going with facetime conversations that last for hours and visits that are always too short. And of course, there's Waffle, my fluffy partner in crime and the utmost love of my life.

As for love, I've finally found the strength to take back the part of me that somebody has held for so long. The journey that we have been through unitedly, is without a doubt one of my favourite stories to tell, and one that shall be held within my being till the end of time - but one that has undoubtedly become so unhealthy for my mind that it can be a story no longer. Internally, and ever so annoyingly, I shall probably always hope for that fairytale ending. But I'm not laid in a glass coffin awaiting true love's kiss, I'm a conscious person with so much to give somebody that is deserving and welcoming of it. My love and respect for that person shall forever remain, but I need to take myself back and fit the broken pieces back together.

And finally, what a year for the world. The events that shook us as individuals and the deaths that shook the nation, we can only hope that the lives lost this year have contributed to a beautiful night sky and are shining bright above us all. Bowie certainly has a phenomenal party of people up there.

To everybody who has taken time out of their day for me over the past year, thank you. Each and every single one of you has kept a pretty woeful me a smiling and complete human being.

2016 sure was a year of realisation.

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