Where Have I Been?

Saturday, 22 April 2017

I'm not entirely sure when I lost myself in the blogging world - When the words I typed on the screen became so vague, so empty.

I saw bloggers' upon bloggers' surrounding me, becoming successful and becoming absorbed into a world that I could not keep up with.
The latest products, the exciting brand collabs, the five star restaurant reviews - all of which I have no grasp of, no understanding of, and that I feel universes away from ever achieving.

Which is when I realised. I've become so misguided, so lost, because I'm turning round in circles in a maze that only be navigated in sharp corners. 

I didn't start blogging to be successful, in any sense of the word. I didn't begin blogging because it would bring me opportunities nor a lifestyle that I (still) can't quite fit into. I started blogging because I enjoy writing my thoughts onto the screen - I enjoy being able to word thoughts with my fingers in a way my tongue will never have the strength to conjure from the jumble in my head.

I love writing from my heart. Spilling my guts onto a keyboard  that somehow just seems to understand the flow of my fingertips, collects individual letters and stores and shapes them in a way that I could never voice out loud.
I've never quite understand how that is, how I can be so utterly rubbish at speaking out loud, at saying things I feel, but I'm able to pour out so openly with a few audible tip-taps.

And that's where I think I have gone wrong.
I forgot to blog for me. I forgot to write stories that I want to tell, I forgot to write my feelings in a way that only I can. I became convinced that people wanted to read product reviews, to see recommendations and any latest shopping hauls. I prioritised materialism and failed to make way for my own anecdotes and my own little rambles.
Which is daft, when you think about it, because in a world with so many of us having our own say on matters, the only USP that we all really have is ourselves.

So, I think I'm back to blogging; But I'm back to blogging for me.


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